Meeting Do’s and Don’t and the Endless Feedback Loop!
Designing great meetings may feel a lot like what it feels like to me to wrangle our three rescue dogs and two recalcitrant cats. They don’t love being herded and often prefer to make their own choices, even if I think I know better.
Most school communities have meetings, and many members of those communities intensely dislike meetings—with good reason. Some meetings are deadly and those leading them have not thought carefully enough about structure, form or content. In twenty years, I have not yet found a way to avoid all meetings nor have I found a foolproof way to ensure that everyone leaves a meeting sighing with satisfaction. Secretly, I feel some dismay about how much people dislike meetings; I actually like being in a room with smart colleagues talking about topics that matter at school. However, I also have the highest status person in the room. So, I try to make meetings as meaningful as possible. Meetings are not generally for sharing information—think about why you are gathering. What is the purpose?
If you have not yet read Priya Parker’s The Art of Gathering, get it immediately and read it. She has such thoughtful and practical ideas to share about how we bring people together.
Here are a few principles I try to remember:
Have a clear purpose.
Publish an agenda.
Start and end on time.
Choose a space that works for the content. Do you want people to be able to move around? Do you need to use a screen? How’s the sound in the room? What about the temperature? You want people to be comfortable.
Offer snacks and beverages whenever you can—especially for after school gatherngs.
Has your school created meeting norms? If not, consider doing so. Then, stick to them.
All-school meetings require a different approach, of course, than one-on-one meetings, but some of the same principles apply.
Communicate your own meeting norms with those you manage.
Will your calendar be available for people to self-schedule?
Who will set the meeting frequency and/or agenda?
Will you publish the agenda in advance?
Who will take meeting minutes? How will you share those?
Don’t expect people to know how you will manage; assume as little as possible.
Do you like to have a sense of the topic in advance when someone asks to see you? Or, are you okay with drop-ins? Tell people what you need.
If someone else is managing your calendar, do you need breaks between meetings or are you happy having back-to-back meetings? Do you like walking meetings? Be aware of power dynamics—there’s a difference between calling someone to your office or going to someone else’s office.
There are lots of meetings; plan each one as if it were the first class of the year.
You may deviate from the plan, but the act of planning, itself, will make you more intentional.
I start most meetings with some sort of check in—there are millions on the internet. And the same head who reminded me not to scrunch my forehead also reminded me that it can be good to tell a little story on yourself. You want to be a brave, bold leader, who is also human, retains her sense of humor and can share laugh at herself from time to time.
Goal Setting and Feedback
Follow up all feedback conversations in writing–email or the school system. Model this so those you manage know documentation is an expectation. Document, document, document.
As a head, it makes me cross when a department chair or division director comes to the end of their patience with someone who is not thriving. “What do we have in writing?” I ask. We open the person’s portfolio. There are three glowing reviews and nothing at all that suggests a need for improvement. Terminating an employee is much easier when you have a paper trail. How does your new school handle tough conversations? Do you use email to document those conversations? Do you have a performance improvement plan process? Ask these questions before you need the answers.
Set goals with those you manage together.
Check in on progress regularly—don’t go 6 months and hope all is well. Hope is not a strategy.
Offer frequent feedback (perhaps monthly or every 6 weeks) that is clear and kind.
Involve your HR director at the Front End of any complicated employee situation.
Be careful what you promise. If you tell someone, “It’s no problem if you are out for 3 weeks,” it might actually be a big problem and not in alignment with your new community’s norm.
Think about who else needs to know about or will be affected by a decision you make, a situation that’s unfolding? At Laurel, we use wooden cubes—every member of the leadership team writes the various constituencies that may be affected on a face of the cube—it’s a good visual reminder—but only if people remember to use it! I keep mine on my desk. Don’t forget that schools are interconnected; what happens in one division will surely be discussed by faculty and by parents—in another.
Always remember the power differential; when people report to you, they may feel reticent about giving you feedback, so find ways to solicit feedback from those you manage. Try these prompts: “What would you like me to keep doing? Stop doing?” or, if you are brand new, adapt that to say, “What would it be most helpful for me to do or not do?” or “What can I do to help you be effective?”
Finally (for this week): The work is seductive. There is always more to do, items to check off the to-do list. The work will be there. Pace yourself and model that you understand there is more to life than work. After the blurred boundaries of the pandemic years, we have worked hard at Laurel to restore and respect boundaries. We’ve made a commitment to avoid email after 6 p.m. or on weekends unless there’s blood—in which case, text.
Use schedule send; when you send an email, people may feel obliged to respond.
As the Desiderata reminds us, “Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.” Sleep. Eat. Drink a lot of water. And look for moments when you are full of joy. Living lives of purpose is a marvelous privilege. Enjoy this new beginning.
